Friday, July 6, 2012

Passing on an Oldie About NCLB...

Found this somewhere long ago and just found it again while looking for old info on NCLB. Cute.

Reacting to Federal Guidelines, the state of Connecticut, which has been highlighted as a role model for student testing by the two U.S. Senators from this State, released the following memo:

In response to the Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to pass a new grade-level exam to be promoted to the next grade level. In the hopes that it will be uniformly adopted by all the states, thus illuminating Connecticut to a glorious front runner position in education, it will be called: the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test (FART).

All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in each of the grades 3-5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART score of 80% proficiency. If a student does not succesfully FART by grade 5, that student shall be placed in a separate mentor program, the Special Mentoring Elective for Learning Language (SMELL).

If, with this increased SMELL program, the student cannot pass the required FART, he or she can graduate to middle school only by taking a one-semester course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation (CRAP).

If, by age fourteen, the student cannot FART, SMELL or CRAP, he or she will earn a placement to an intensive one-week seminar. This is the Preparatory Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students (PRUNES).

It is the opinion of the Connecticut Dept. of Education that an intensvie week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL and CRAP.

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